Whirlwind

The past days have been crazy.  Little Katja has been sick, which has been incredibly stressful.  She spiked a fever of over 104 on the 10th and has basically been sick since. She had an ear infection (diagnosed the 10th), had a high fever and vomiting that entire weekend, finally seemed to kick it enough during the week of our move, and then spiked another fever of 104 last Monday, the 20th.  We took her to Urgent Care that evening, and they said that it was still her ear and that if it wasn’t better in two to three days, we should take her to her clinic. She stayed home all week from daycare, and was not getting better.  On Thursday, I called her clinic, because she was not getting better and I was getting worried. She spent that entire day in my arms, lethargic, feverish, coughing and vomiting.  It was…..tough.  Hard to watch her like that and just hard to deal with as yet another day at home with a needy, clingy baby.  Steve took Friday, the 24th, off to come with me to the doctor, where we found out she has RSV.  This definitely explained a lot about why she wasn’t getting better.  SIGH.

It’s been a pretty rough go.  We thought she seemed better over the weekend, so we tried to take her to daycare on Monday.  Well, she spiked a low grade temp (101) while there, which prompted me to go get her and she has been home the past two days.

On top of that, Rowan also felt bad last night, so after spending all day with a sick baby, I had to spend all last night with a crying Rowan at the minute clinic and CVS.  Super fun.

I just want everyone to be healthy!  It is really hard not being able to get into a new routine in the new house and all. I just want to figure out our new normal, and that is impossible when you are housebound with a sick kid and unable to do your normal things, like work.

Steve was home with both girls today, and said that they both seemed better.  Katja was a little ball of energy when I got in and her breathing seems good….but, she still seems feverish to me!  Ugh!  She seems to be running a temp of about 101, so I don’t know what that means. I worry most about her breathing, but why can’t she just kick this thing?  It is so hard to handle. Seriously. I just worry too frigging much, I suppose.

It has just been rough. It does make me appreciate how healthy we usually are, I suppose. For as good a this month has been with the house and all, it has pretty much sucked on every other level. And, of course now, I am worried that I will have to stay home yet again tomorrow.  I mean, there are worse things, but I just want to fast forward to when this is all over.

OH, HELLO.

A few things have happened since I last wrote.

I turned 32.

Katja got sick with an ear infection, after spiking a fever of over 104 at daycare.  (This is an ongoing problem for the past 12 days, though I think she is maybe now turning a corner?)

I started seriously considering my CAREER and am in the midst of applying for some new positions.  Exciting.  Scary.  But, exciting.

We bought a HOUSE.

We moved a shit-ton of stuff from one house to another.  Who knew we had so much stuff??

We bought a lot of furniture for said house.

It has been a bit of a whirlwind.  Things are good.  We’re getting settled in the new place, though we are nowhere near completely done with that.  The more pressing thing, really, is Katja’s ongoing battle against her right ear.  She finished one course of antibiotics on Monday morning, and that night, spiked another high fever with spaciness and shaking — it’s really scary to me when she gets this way, even though Tylenol brings it down quickly and makes her normal again.  We had to bring her into Urgent Care, where we discovered that she still has her ear infection and got started on a new round of antibiotics.  Hopefully these work.  She was still feverish last night, but was home with Steve today and seemed more like herself.

I really hate having sick kids.  It brings out my crazy side.

That is really all.  I just wanted to write quickly, you know, to check in and all.

Can’t believe how strange it is to be anything at all.

We went to see Jeff Mangum perform on Saturday night.  This video is from 1998, but is a demonstration of one of my all-time favorite songs of all-time EVER EVER EVER.  And forever.

I’m not one to make proclamations like this about shows, but it was magical.  Spiritual, even.  I am more prone to saying, “wow, that was the best show ever!” (see, Rolling Stone issue from 2004 with Usher on the cover where my mug is a face in the crowd from the Pixies reunion show saying, “That was the best show ever!”).  Now, well, this probably was actually the best show ever, yes, but it was also something more.  I have loved Neutral Milk Hotel since, oh, 2000? or so?  I was a little behind the times, as In The Aeroplane Over the Sea came out in 1998, but not terribly so.  Enough so, though, that I missed being able to see NMH or Jeff Mangum play live before he went all reclusive on us.  He has been on my musical bucket list (thanks, Melinda, for the phrase) for some time.  I never thought that I’d get to see him.

On Saturday, I felt like crap still (see, previous post about dying), and was so afraid that I was not going to be able to see this show that I had been looking forward to for, well, ever.  Or so it seemed.  I managed to pull it together enough to make it out for the dinner and show date that was also to be my early birthday celebration with Steve.  I am so glad that I didn’t wallow in my own misery and miss out on this.

The openers were Andrew, Laura, and Scott – members of the bands Elf Power and the Gerbils — neither of which I had ever really listened to before.  Steve and I were both pleasantly surprised at how much we enjoyed their set.  It was just GOOD.  Good, solid music played by people who you could just tell loved playing.

When Jeff stepped out, with his hair in his face, I was like, “Oh, wow, he’s like Elliott Smith!” (in my head), yet he didn’t play timidly at all.  He commanded the stage and all eyes were on him.  I don’t think that I have ever witnessed a more rapt audience.  He opened with “Two Headed Boy, part 2″ and had us from there.  He asked us to sing along, and normally that sort of thing annoys me, but it was just beautiful to hear to rise and fall of the voices in the audience.  I sang.  How could I not?  I’ve been playing NMH karaoke in my car on and off for the better part of the last decade.

There was just something about being in this room, listening to the man behind these songs that I have cherished for so long, and singing along with a whole lot of people.  It made me remember how wonderful and beautiful and, yes, strange it is, to be anything at all.

Hypochondria and breastfeeding; baby milestone; other life things.

It is not fun to be a hypochondriac.  At all.

The night before last, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was suddenly terribly itchy.  Specifically, I was itchy all over my boobs.  I eventually got back to sleep, but woke up at my normal time, still itchy and also kind of stuffed up and run down, like I am coming down with a head cold of some sort.

I did everything I could to not itch, but I felt pretty miserable by the end of yesterday.  I took some children’s benadryl (all we had) when I got home and lathered myself up with lanolin.  That seemed to help relieve me of the itchiness for a while.  I talked to Steve about it and told him I was afraid I had cholestastis of the liver and that I needed to get that treated.  That was maybe a dumb thought, but hypochondriacs are not always rational.

Last night, I fell asleep fine, but woke up at 4:15 with a headache, itchiness, and stuffiness.  FUN!  I could not get back to sleep.  I have been running on caffeine and fumes since then.  I am still terribly itchy, despite more benadryl and lanolin.  I made the mistake of googling “itchy breasts” and one of the first results was about a terrible form of breast cancer!  That had me worried!  Though, I am also kind of hive-y elsewhere, so I don’t think that that is probably the case.  But, YOU NEVER KNOW.

Then, when I was pumping, I noticed that there was a little stringy bit of milk on my nipple.  (Wow, the things that I write – so TMI!)  I thought that maybe I had a clogged duct, because of the fact that Katja’s latch on that side kind of bothered me last night (due to the itchiness), and maybe I didn’t feed her as much from that side as I normally would….then, this afternoon, it happened again!  I am not in pain, but I am itchy and uncomfortable.  I felt woozy for a while and was afraid that I was coming down with mastitis.  Then, I started worrying about getting thrush and even went so far as to order some Grape Seed Extract JUST IN CASE.  THEN, I started worrying again about breast cancer, since I had itchy boobs and stringy milk (two little strings, mind you, not like my entire pumping output was full of strings).

UGH.

I am itchy on my eye, my nose, my neck, my right arm, my breastbone, and my boobs.  This is probably not “breast cancer”, but probably either an allergy thing or related to the head cold that I am definitely coming down with.  But, still, what of the possible clogged duct?  Or, is there something else that is causing the stringiness?

Hypochondria.  So fun.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that in there, I was also worried about developing some weird acute infection and just toppling over here at work.  That was a thought that ran through my head when I was feeling kind of weird earlier today.

In other news, Katja had her one year check-up on Tuesday and is doing so well.  She started taking tentative steps on the day before her birthday (Saturday night) and has been doing it sporadically since then.  She is almost 21 pounds (50th percentile) and 29.5 inches (65th percentile).  Her head remains very large.  Must be because of all those brains in there.  We don’t need to go in again until 15 months.  Her doctor did talk about night weaning (not going to do that yet) and other things, but I just did the “smile and nod” that I always do.  We ARE trying to get her in her crib for at least the first part of the night.  We have yet to succeed with that.  Did we create a monster?  Maybe!

Life things:  I am taking a day off tomorrow, which is definitely needed.  I am getting my hair done and am so excited about that.  I also need to renew my driver’s license and possibly work in the house….though, I may just end up sleeping.  WHO KNOWS?