I used to have a dream of being a writer. Most nerdy, bookish kids probably have such a dream, if I had to guess. Even now, though, I think, “I could totally write a book!” and then I’ll start thinking about book plots and so on and realize that I actually do not have that big of a vocabulary and I like to write run-on sentences and I overuse commas and I recognize that maybe that would not be such a good idea for me. Plus, despite my creativity in some arenas in life, the only time that I ever even attempted to write a novel, it as a complete Tom Robbins rip-off. Except terrible. A terrible Tom Robbins rip-off. So sad.
So, I am aware that this writer dream is just a dream.
But, then, sometimes, I’ll be lying awake in the middle of the night, maybe feeding a baby or what-have-you, and I will think AGAIN that this writing thing could happen and I could be a legitimate author by writing about MY LIFE! instead of, you know, FICTION! And I start to craft sentences in my head...I could feel my heartbeat in my teeth, and it made me painfully aware of my mortality and then, I will repeat said sentence in my head and realize that it is crap and, again, I will hang up the author dream. Plus, you know, I do kind of write about my life (to some degree) here, and this is not exactly what one would call a POPULAR place on the internet, since really only a handful of people even know about it, and I make zero dollars here, so why would I think that being a MEMOIR AUTHOR would even be a feasible goal for me to have? Also, who is interested in tall, middle children from large families who grew up in rural communities and have anxiety disorders and children? That is just one way to MARKET myself. Very good. I know. Why do I not have dooce like traffic? I DON’T KNOW, INTERNET. I DON’T KNOW.
This whole….HOUSE thing… does have me a little worried about money. We will be raising our monthly payment, though not to a level that is crazy; just to a level that is a little teeny bit uncomfortable. Today, I was thinking, “well, I will make money writing somehow!” and then I delved into a world of “how to make money on blogging” and realized that, well, that is just not going to happen because you need to have traffic and network and also probably have talent in order to do these things. But, again, a nice little dream. Money paid for doing something that is fun? (Not that my job is not fun, but, you know, work is work.) That would be nice. Though, I think that that sort of thing (being a “power blogger”) requires organization and planning that I don’t really want to do for this here space.
Parts of me think that I really should just give up on the dreams and focus on the realities, but, then, I dreamed about a house and a baby and a family and those things are coming true (still expecting something to go wrong on the house thing, so talk to me about that one after closing) or have come true. So, who knows?
Well, I enjoy reading your site and think you are a great writer! It’s funny, I was thinking the same thing today while home sick. I also wanted to be a writer when I was younger, and go back to that dream every so often. But I get hung up on plots and time and intelligence. Also, when you live with someone who is a good writer, it feels weird to say, “Hey, I could do that, too!” Maybe we should do a thing where we encourage each other to write.
That is nice of you to say, Amy. About the writing. I think encouragement of writing, even if we never do anything with our writing, is a good idea. How can we get better if we never even TRY?